That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
