Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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