Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
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she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
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If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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