That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
