We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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