Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
