i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
