i jhust puked up my retainher.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
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She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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