At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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