a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
my shit smells like andre
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
