I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
