hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Randomize
