I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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