My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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