I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
