Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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