Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I still have a little drunk in my system
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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