so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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