A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
