in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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