he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
