I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
