I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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