She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
