Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
