he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
