Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
