P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
