i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I could make wine with my vomit
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
