Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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