2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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