her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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