Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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