Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
