strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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