You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
