Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.