pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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