The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish you could order shots online.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money