my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
