Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
