Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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