Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"

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(636): View more from Missouri

Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.

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(727): View more from Florida

they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were

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(972): View more from Texas

Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(301): View more from Maryland

But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you

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(937): View more from Ohio

I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...

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(256): View more from Alabama

My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.

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