Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.