Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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