Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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