I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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