I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
