First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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