so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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