I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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