Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
