I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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