So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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