Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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