remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
