I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
