we made out on top of his cat.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Damn victory sex feels great
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
