and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
