i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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