hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
