i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i love accidental penises.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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