btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize