how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
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Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
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Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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