I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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