So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
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I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
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In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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