I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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