Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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