put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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