Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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