guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
