a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
