Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
