I'll bet she douches with gravy.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
