I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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