Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
