she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
