You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
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Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
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Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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