I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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