the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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