Your tits are I can't wait for
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
