he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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