I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He passed out mid-signature
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
