Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
