Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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