Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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