checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Randomize
