I just saw a hot homeless man
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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