At least make sure they are 18
Why
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
